Grace is reaching out for us now. She puts her little chubby arms into the air and smiles.  How could one resist that?  We don't!  In fact, we spend most of our day reaching back - taking her in our arms, kissing her, and telling her over and over again how much we love her.  She'll be playing quietly with toys but the minute she sees me near she will smile and reach for me. Once in my arms, she still wants the toys but she is more content to be with me and to be near to me. 

In China, I knew Grace liked us and was on her way to love, but it wasn't until she started reaching out to me, that I knew -- I KNEW she loved us back.  When the boys see Grace reaching out to them, they know it too and they rejoice that she wants them too! What is it about reaching out to someone? Arms outstretched in vulnerability and trust that say, "I love you -- will you love me back?"  

Since coming home with Grace I have been struck more than ever with how great God's love is to us, his adopted sons and daughters. He too, showed his love by reaching out to us and coming to us in human form.  We KNOW He loves us because he reached beyond heaven and entered our world with arms outstretched to say, "I love you -- will you love me back?"  And those of us who have made that greatest of decisions to reach back, take hold, and not let go, know that our adoption by Him means that  we have done nothing to deserve that love.  It means that even though we aren't flesh of His flesh, as Grace is not of our bloodline, we are loved just as much.  It's a mystery that He loves us so much but I'm living out that mystery every day as I see us loving this little girl who came to us from so far away. She didn't start off a Fitzpatrick, but we love her as one of our own and strive with each reach back to show her the depth of our love. 

We aren't getting a lot done these days and we'll look up at the clock and realize it's time to go pick up our boys and not much has been accomplished. But really, everything of most importance has been accomplished when we have spent our day reaching back to Grace and filling that void in her heart with more and more confidence that these two people who call themselves Mommy and Daddy to her will not let her down and will prove their love to her by fulfilling her deepest needs at the moment, that to be held,

Sharon

Last week our dear friends from our church here in Raleigh gave us a beautiful shower where everyone had to wear a bit of pink. My Mom was here for it but she took ill that afternoon with a stomach bug and had to go home with Pat and Grace shortly after the meal.  Elizabeth Rogers and Nicki Forsline didn't miss any details to make it such a lovely event and it was sad that my Mom couldn't be there for all of it but we had fun the next day going over all of the gifts together.  Mostly the shower was comprised of the dear ladies I love who work in the library with me and it was rounded out with other dearest of friends who go to the church with us.  I had prayed that God would allow it to truly meet our needs and that gifts would be the right size and not be duplicated and he answered all of that with a YES!  It was an incredible outpouring of love and helpfulness during this time of transition.  Later Nicki remarked, "You have the nicest friends!"  and I concur!!  Thank you dear women. You moved me to tears and I'm choked up now even writing about it!

We have also received several beautiful gifts through the mail. Each one touches us deeply with your thoughtfullness and care for us and for our daughter.  One day she will know of all of your sacrifices to give her a lovely start in life and one day she will know that she was loved by not only us and prayed for fervently by us, but by the many of you who stood by us faithfully for nearly 4 years.  I  wish I could post pictures of all of the lovely gifts or of Grace using them but please know that you are blessed everytime we use your gift or see Grace using it! We love you all! Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your care!

Sharon, Grace, and I have been home for one week, and we are all starting to feel a little more like we belong on eastern standard time.  There have been some setbacks related to illness - a stomach bug is flitting through the family at the moment - and yesterday's traumatic but necessary visit to the pediatrician left Grace a little sore and feverish from the vaccinations.  The doctor had to draw a little blood out of the toe to check for anemia, two vials of blood out of the arm to do a complete metabolic workup and to run various tests, and a slew of vaccinations.  Sharon was up a number of times last night between 3 and 5 trying to comfort Grace, and at 5am I brought her down to the living room, fed her, and was able to put her to sleep until 8am while Sharon caught up on sleep.  


Even though Sharon and I are old pros at the baby thing, Ethan, our youngest boy, was going through these stages when Sharon and I were spry thirty five year olds.  I'm still the fastest diaper changer in the world, and I still have a patented jig that magically puts babies to sleep, but I find my old body yearning for more naps than even Grace needs.  I'll let you know if the fatigue goes away as I completely acclimate to our time zone.


I don't want to leave any of you with the impression that this first week has been nothing but struggles.  The struggles pale in comparison to the joys. A few are included below:


1. Grace is loving her brothers!  Grace enthusiastically smiles at them, and the boys are really enjoying the opportunities she gives them to hold her.


2. Homemade afghans and blankets, musical toys, dinners for the family, custom-made cookies - these are but a few of the many gifts showered upon us in the last week.  Thank you for sharing in our joy!


3. A surprise visit from our friend Chip.  If you read our first blogs from four years ago under "Why Adopt?" you may recall that my college roommate, swimming buddy, and dear friend came to visit us in October 2005 and inspired us to take this journey to Grace.  God is good, and it was truly fitting that Chip blessed us with another visit at the beginning of Grace's journey with her forever family.  Thank you Chip!


4. After nine years living in the Raleigh area I visited an Asian market for the first time and bought short grained rice for our brand new rice cooker.  Stepping into the market felt a little like I was on the roads of Guangzhou - with live blue crabs, fresh jelly fish, chicken claws and even bull pizzle in the meat section (google the word "pizzle" if you don't know what that is).  Despite all of the delicacies, I managed to get out of the marketplace with only a personalized bucket of ramen noodles, a can of mango juice, and a small bag of sushi rice.


It's 9:47am in the morning right now, and I have already made two batches of rice - one short grained and one long grained.  I fried up  the short grained rice with an egg, onions, and some green and red peppers, and Grace and I had a decent breakfast out of it.  Then, continuing with my experimenting, I cooked up some long grain rice with extra water.  It just beeped fifteen minutes ago, and it's already been devoured by everyone who was awake at the time.  So much for my plans for lunch!

Grace has been home for 4 days and it's a big new world for her.  When I brought her downstairs this morning I noticed that she is still looking at everything with big eyes of curiosity.  She hangs over my arm just to get a view of the tiles on the floor or the rugs, or the knobs on the cabinets.  I can hardly begin to imagine how big this new world of hers is and how daunting it must seem to have everything be so new and strange.  Just 2 weeks ago she was probably spending most of her day on the hip of her Foster mother or in a cardboard box surrounded by blankets.  Her world consisted of most likely a few small rooms and I doubt she got out much beyond the doorway to that house or apartment.  Since then she has been sleeping in 4 star hotels, ridden on buses, a van, and taxis, flown on airplanes, and now lives in what by all accounts to her is a mansion.

The sounds and the familiar smells of China that engulfed her for 9 months are now a thing of the past. Oh sure, we have CDs and some food items from China that bring some familiarity to her, but basically it's all just. . well. . . different.  Add to this the addition of 4 brothers and a dog and yes, changing her internal time clock by 12 hours and you have even more adjustments to be made.

So how is our little girl handling all of it? Very well. Last night we slept from 10 PM to about 5 AM and was patted softly back to sleep through 6:45 AM.  She is enjoying PB& J sandwiches for lunch, bagels with cream cheese for breakfast, pasta for dinner, and certainly her 4 bottles every day that she drinks down with what only can be described as complete rapture.  She also rolls her eyes back in that rapturous state when you rub her tummy -- oh joy!  

We're having to wake her during her longer afternoon naps and then keep her awake as long as possible to get her though the nights and onto the new schedule but for the most part, Grace is handling it with a good spirit. She does love to be held and to see her new world so our time is not our own, but who can resist this little one when she smiles at you and reaches our her hands to be picked up. 

This morning she was playing with toys just within my legs on the floor but she turned and fussed to show me she wanted a change and wanted to be held. But the minute I held her, she was happy again and was eager to get back to those same toys - the difference being only that she was in my arms.  I say it again, how can you resist that kind of desire to be loved?  It reminded me anew of the deficit she has in her heart and of her need to be loved. The best way she knows how to do this is by reaching out to us to hold her. Oh, it does make life harder on us to get things done, but right now our job is to show her she can trust us -- that we won't let her down - that we will be there for her no matter what. 

I haven't been taking too many pictures. But here you will find a few snippets of life with Grace and we promise to start taking some more pics in the days ahead for those of you who want to continue to follow along with us in watching Grace adjust to us and us adjust to Grace. By the way -- she is now beginning to roll over, and sleep on her side.  She has a great desire right now to MOVE which means standing, rolling over, flexing - anything that has movement attached to it. I think that when our girl can crawl and feel more secure in her sitting and standing, this world will only get that much bigger for her!

Sharon